Hey. Its your enby(? not sure yet) Loki. I think I'm gonna change my icon to Loki for a while.
Right now I'm feeling kinda drained. Every time I've thought about writing this I've just kinda lost all the energy I had, but quite frankly if I don't write it down there's a decent chance I'm gonna second guess myself later, so ... yeah.
So let's start with senior week, shall we?
So at my school, we get to decorate our lockers. Parents come in and make a little cover, put gifts inside, all that jazz. My dad made a really cool one for me. Now, we had gotten an email from her lawyer earlier about requesting to send stuff for senior week and graduation. I said please send us the stuff to our house and please don't show up for graduation because it's just gonna add more stress.
I got a call from her somewhere in the midst of all this where she was crying and being all emotional. Honestly that's a tiny footnote in the shitshow that has been her lately.
So back to the locker. So I show up to school that Monday and I see my locker that I'd seen before and was like... "I should check if there's stuff inside."
I should not have checked to see if there was stuff inside.
There was stuff inside.
It's funny how I asked that any of that be sent to us before so that I dont walk into school and get a shock.
Anyways. So I was able to forget that and focus on my test. I was hoping that would be the last of it until I realized that she'd have had to watch us leave the school and then go in.
Which is really creepy. I don't know where she was sitting, or watching, but she would have had to have been to go in after us to avoid us. The administrator I talked to confirmed she came in after and that there's not anything they could do due to needing a court order.
After that little revelation, I went to school like normal, hoping against hope she wouldn't show up at the Senior walk and stuff. She didn't show up at the senior breakfast or walk, but stuff she sent did. She sent a whole bag of stuff and and put more stuff in my senior box. Which was not a pleasant surprise but whatever.
She also sent $500 in the form of a money order and my grandfather sent $100. So... yeah. There's that. It's strange how she won't pay tuition or her own bills but she'll give me $500 for graduation. Y'know, considering apparently we had no money before this?
Anyways. so THAT happened Senior breakfast. Thankfully she didn't show up at the senior walk (that I know of).
Alright! Graduation! I went to skating and everything was good there! but then came graduation.
I went and at first we didn't see anybody (Thankfully). Went to get my phone about 30 minutes after we arrived cuase apparently I can't go without my phone for an hour and saw a car I thought could be hers. decided to keep my head low and got my phone and bag (it was a good thing I was able to listen to some music to help keep things semi normal though, they'd turned on music downstairs and it was loud and annoying so I turned on some of my own.).
Graduation went well until it had finished. I was walking out to leave but I got intercepted by my grandfather, my uncle and my brother. My uncle gave me a card, my papa a hug, and my brother a hug. My mother was like 10 feet away and she tried to wave at me and I looked away and ignored her. I was not comfortable.
My grandfather asked if I was going to the camp this summer and told me to let him know if I was planning on it. And my brother is planning on going to the camp so there's a higher chance of running into them and it fucking pisses me off that she might take this one last experience from me.
So I went to find my dad and while I was looking I ran into a teacher, and i was like "my mother is here after i asked her not to be" and she was like "yeah but shes still your mother and she wanted to see you." FUCK YOU SHE'S FUCKING STALKING ME AT THIS POINT.
So anyways, we left, kinda hiding and went home. My uncle gave me another $100 in his card so now i have a lot of money for cosplay. Loki cosplay, here I come. Funded by my abusive, stalking mother. *rolls eyes*.
I also got a $25 dollar gift card from my (nice) aunt for Amazon. So I'll be buying myself something nice with that. And I got another $50 from my ortho. So at least I have money.
During all of this, she's also called me out of the blue (during afterschool) and left a voicemail, crying and that messed me up for a bit. Oh, and also, she decided to drive by our house one Thursday and take a picture of the banner my dad put up for graduation. Really fucking creepy and unsettling to find that on her Facebook, let me tell you.
The main thing I'm ... upset? about is that she's ignoring literally everything I'm asking of her and doing the opposite and i have no fucking way of avoiding her, or her fucking stalking. I might have to go back to court for an actual restraining order instead of a TPO just to attend my last summer camp. Apparently our lawyer says we’ve got a pretty good case for one.
I'm just… so done. I'm one thought away from breaking down into a sobbing mess and i keep pushing all of it back and that is going to destroy me eventually but right now i just… cant. god. i hate this. I hate that she can't respect my boundries and my life and that she doesn't seem to see she's not in the right here.
I'm mostly stressed about camp right now because it's my last camp. It's the last time I'll ever get to experience it. It's senior camp for me, and we get a bonfire and stuff and I really don't want to miss it. I really don't. But if we can't get her to back off I might have to.
Gonna start tagging all these with mothers a+ parenting, in the spirit of odin's a+ parenting tag. might keep me from breaking down, I don't know.
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